No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
whose parrot is this?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
