i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
