Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
