No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
