Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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