You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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