i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
