Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
