Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize