ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
