When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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