...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It was confusing and full of hummus
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
