he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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