remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My butt remains clenched, sir.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
