If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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