Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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