I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In other news, I just burned my penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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