you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
