i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
