my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
