Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
