How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
