i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
