The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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