It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
