I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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