you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
