Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
