Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She even gives head with a lisp.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
