the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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