Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize