My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
