Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
