but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
