apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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