You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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