Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
