I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
