I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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