I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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