So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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