everyone is single if you try hard enough
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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