Betty ford says i'm here all night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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