while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
