what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is my life. Enjoy the view
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
