Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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