just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
