I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
