And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
