I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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