she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
