Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
