We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
false alarm. still invincible.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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