if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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