wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
