You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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