Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
