I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
