just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
