i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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