haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this will be a night to untag.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
