i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
