I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's never too late to be topless.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
