he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Couch. On fire.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
