lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
