Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
