also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
