I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
