Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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