Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
