You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
