Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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