Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
