I cockslap morals
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I need moral support for this bender
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
