Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
