Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
