i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
