hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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