Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize