You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
