I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
