is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
