Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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