I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
