I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone owes me an orgasm
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
