this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
