I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize