I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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